New year new realization..

Its new year..i went out countdown at kinta riverfront..
Dunno how to say..shud say its my fault to choose counting down with frens rather than with dad n mum..
i strongly wanna go back home since christmas i was at kl n not with them too..feel like they wil b so lonely..
sorry papa mummy..ive been a bad girl these years..
Always make u two worried n have to do alot for me..
i wish that im not a part of this family..this is a great family..the greatest among all. But i dont belong here..
u see..they are much better without me..their burden is alot lesser that they wouldnt need to use so much money on me..no matter studies or living expenses.
they can chat with each other well..
But for me..its hard to find a topic to talk about with them n same to them with me.
Sis n bros are mature enuf to talk shares n other stuffs with dad..
Im juz too young for them..it was a mistake to give birth to me.
But since everything happened, im praying hard, to my beloved God that i respect, that i pray for their safety, healthy and happiness.
Im willing to give my all for them. Really.
i hope that i wil b the one who has diseases, the one who has accident, the one who are far apart from family, the one who suffers.
IF anyone of them has an organ breakdown i hope that i wil be the one who give him or her mine.(touch wood)
Ive been thinking of going out on new year eve..alone. i duwan any of my fren accompany me. They need to be with their family=)
if im going out that day..that is the time of the real reunion of my family=)
its better without me. I wish to see them happy without me seriously. Their happiness is juz enuf for me=)
today(ytd) i cooked redbean+greenpeas tongshui. I tot wanna go home have it with dad n mum to celeb new year cuz i dunno wat else can do for them to celebrate..but i didnt make it..
Sorry papa mummy..
sorry for being a bad girl..that makes u lonely..
sorry...

How could this happen to me..?

aiyoo why like this geh
cant go in the things i read
feel like too long no study d cant go in at all
aihhhhhhh
doshiooooo~?
exam so near
if this time i get so low marks i reli hav no confidence to study anymore..
izit too many things that are distracting me?
but still..so sad cant rmb most of the thing that i read..
long time no post here
busy with my life esp outing n homework
miss my frens n school so much..
='(
my pocket tight till die lo..
my dad haven gimme pocket money till now..again
its middle of month lo n i haven pay a single fee
even sometimes dun hav the money to eat in canteen..
i hav no choice but to self pity when i have not even 1 cent in my pocket..
aih..
being a student is the poorest moment in my life
even when im working aso not that poor..
no money pay tuition
no money eat
no money fill petrol
no money pay coco fees
no money buy stationaries
no money photostat or print things
no money do activities
no money reload (this one is normal la cuz always few months reload 1 time..no money=( )
no money buy groceries back home
no money buy food for family
so sad whenever feel like treating them but feel so helpless that ive no money to do so..
but this month i dun feel like asking from dad cuz last month he has no salary..
but this happen many times
many times he gav me a month then 2 months no gimme cuz he wil feel like he gives me not long ago(even though its been 1 month)
so everytime when he gimme a proper sum for my pocket money for a month, i must make sure i can survive til another more month..
so hard..TT
nowadays things so expensive..
last time my bro got 300bucks from dad every month
though his tt more than me mayb 70bucks more
but everything rises price latterally
isnt it the same?
but why cant him gimme every month like he did to bro too?
TT
luckily bro un my feeling..
but i duwan him to cover those expenses for him..
cuz he juz started working sure not much money ma..(though he has  an iphone== xD)
aih..stil wondering tmr how go outing with them..
my hand left only 10cent
hav u been like this bfor?

sadnyerr..TT addcited to it Beast's Fiction!!

98º - My Everything

tooo sweeet jor..
the lyrics super meaningful n sweet..X)
epic song=D

David Cook: The Last Song I'll Write For You - Top 4 Results - AMERICAN ...

DAVID COOKKKKKK!!!!!X)

School holiday!

So fast jau school hols. Soolee is going back to kampar..=(
chisan aso..TT..
recently so many things happened..especially the ones that need me to make decisions..the hard ones..
i felt so desperate when it happened..
i cant follow my own true choice but other ppls choice..
its somehow like being locked down..
so far still ok in studies..but i reli dun like pa..so political==
physics kinda confusing..=(
today went for pa tuition
waa karu ar real yi zhi bang! Sugoi! he makes me want more xD

we wil b going out soon! To watch snow white=D
then aso got gathering with kieran they all for men in black! N later on wanna go for GI Joe heheeeee
xD but i wil study hard in this hols.
i wont lose again. Never!
gar yau!! X)

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