New year new realization..

Its new year..i went out countdown at kinta riverfront..
Dunno how to say..shud say its my fault to choose counting down with frens rather than with dad n mum..
i strongly wanna go back home since christmas i was at kl n not with them too..feel like they wil b so lonely..
sorry papa mummy..ive been a bad girl these years..
Always make u two worried n have to do alot for me..
i wish that im not a part of this family..this is a great family..the greatest among all. But i dont belong here..
u see..they are much better without me..their burden is alot lesser that they wouldnt need to use so much money on me..no matter studies or living expenses.
they can chat with each other well..
But for me..its hard to find a topic to talk about with them n same to them with me.
Sis n bros are mature enuf to talk shares n other stuffs with dad..
Im juz too young for them..it was a mistake to give birth to me.
But since everything happened, im praying hard, to my beloved God that i respect, that i pray for their safety, healthy and happiness.
Im willing to give my all for them. Really.
i hope that i wil b the one who has diseases, the one who has accident, the one who are far apart from family, the one who suffers.
IF anyone of them has an organ breakdown i hope that i wil be the one who give him or her mine.(touch wood)
Ive been thinking of going out on new year eve..alone. i duwan any of my fren accompany me. They need to be with their family=)
if im going out that day..that is the time of the real reunion of my family=)
its better without me. I wish to see them happy without me seriously. Their happiness is juz enuf for me=)
today(ytd) i cooked redbean+greenpeas tongshui. I tot wanna go home have it with dad n mum to celeb new year cuz i dunno wat else can do for them to celebrate..but i didnt make it..
Sorry papa mummy..
sorry for being a bad girl..that makes u lonely..
sorry...